Fallible
by For Absolution
Summary: After the Dream Lord incident, Rory and Amy find out that the Doctor has some problems that seem all too human. Rory/11/Amy, eating disorders, self harm
1. Prologue

AN: All characters are gonna be OOC. Because the behaviors and the pairing aren't canon, the actions aren't canon. I am manipulating them to my will. I've always wanted to see an ED!Doctor fic since I read a SI!Doctor fic a while back. Didn't think one'd come up soon, so I decided to write one! (Can't remember the name of the SI one, look for it in my faves if ya like.) Don't like, don't read, mmkay?

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. Though, if slavery was legal, I'd own Matt Smith and David Tennant in a heartbeat. (Or vice versa.)

Summary: After the Dream Lord incident, Rory and Amy find out that the Doctor has some problems that seem all too human. Rory/11/Amy, eating disorders, self harm

Prologue.

Lines. Descending, horizontal lines, to be exact. Descending, like the downward spiral of his thoughts, dragging him deeper into the abyss of his lonely, lonely mind.

Killed. He could've gotten them killed_. 'Like always._' The thought makes him sick. But, he's already been sick so much, his stomach can't keep anything down anymore. _'Not that I deserve to.'_

Scar-covered arms wrap around too-skinny knees, as he tucks his face into the crevice between them and sobs. His ragged breaths echo in the room, like the cries in his empty, empty mind. And, he is alone.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1.

It had been a while- five days, to be exact. Five days since he had hunched himself over the toilet in the TARDIS' bathroom, five days since his fingers had plunged to the back of his throat and pressed on that spot –yes, right there- and he had heaved up everything he had eaten. And now it was zero.

His frail body shook as he threw up the last of the cake that was lovingly placed in the fridge by someone (he had long forgotten who- the TARDIS keeps food for years without it perishing), though the person that placed it there probably wouldn't have, if they had known what he would do with it. He closed his eyes, resting them as he felt the popped capillaries gush out blood and his sore eyelids crush away the tears leaking from his ducts. Dizziness caressed him like a lover -'_the same way I wish they would caress me'- _and he struggled to prevent himself from falling into its embrace. He grasped the lid of the toilet and forcibly pushed himself up, arms trembling. He pushed the handle, flipped the lid down and collapsed on the top, skeletal hands resting on his knees.

_'It's okay, because I deserve this…' _He thought as he wiped his face with a nearby towel. _'I put them in danger, all the damn time, but they still follow me. I should make them leave, for their own good, but I'm just too selfish. Too, too selfish. If I wasn't here, maybe they'd be safe. If I wasn't here, maybe they'd be happy. Together. Without me. And that'd be okay, because I'd wish them both… The best…' _The thought sent him into another cascade of tears, and he clenched his eyes together, willing the flow of tears to stop.

His tear-blurred eyes groped around the back of the toilet until he found it: a small groove that was actually a tiny handle. He slipped a bitten fingernail into it and pulled, revealing a petite razor blade inside a small drawer. With quivering fingers, he pulled it from its hiding place and rubbed the pads of his fingers against it before laying it onto his arm. Holding his breath, he dug it slowly into his skin and drug it through the flesh with a quick jerk. He hissed, more tears bubbling up, and then –like an explosion in his hearts, the endorphin rush.

He leaned his head back and lazily watched the blood drip steadily down his arm, a small smile drifting on his lips. _'At last, I finally get what I deserve.'_


	3. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks to **sinclairchap, thedoctorandriver** and **theonlywater **for reviewing! You guys are awesome 'possum! Also, SI is short for 'self-injury'.

Chapter 2.

A loud rapping on the door startled him from his blood-drenched reverie, and he twisted around in alarm. '_Damn the TARDIS for only putting one bathroom in this corridor!'_ With a sudden burst of strength, he shoved himself up from the toilet seat and grabbed a roll of bathroom tissue, starting to rub away the congealed blood.

"Yeah, what is it? Anything wrong?" He asked, attempting to scrub faster, though not succeeding. Bursts of pain ripped through his arm, and blood started to drip from the barely-scabbed wound. His eyes widened, and his breaths grew ragged as he began to hyperventilate.

"Uh, no, but I kind of have to use the bathroom! You know, the only bathroom in here, which you're currently in!" Amy said, rolling her eyes on the other side of the door.

"Oh, yes! That. Um… Be out in a minute!" He said, panic lacing his voice. '_More tissue! Oh, Rassilion, this has to be gone!'_ He grabbed more handfuls of tissue and snatched a rubber band from the bathroom cabinet, wrapping the bundle over his wound. He quickly cleaned the floor and the sink and shoved his sleeve down over the damaged arm.

"I'm finished!" He said, opening the door with a wide grin.

"Oh, wow, Doctor, I'm proud." Any said sarcastically as he sauntered out the bathroom door. She walked into the bathroom and turned around to look in the mirror, when she spotted something on the floor: a large streak of red.

"What Is this... Blood? Why on Earth is there blood in here? Is the Doctor injured?" Amy hurriedly scanned the bathroom for any more signs of blood. Finding none, she attempted to reassure herself. "It's probably nothing, then. Just a scrape, maybe."

After she had finished her business, she quietly walked out of the door and into the hall. Pausing, she saw another bit of red on the battered TARDIS floor. She crouched down and inspected it, mind racing. "I've got an awful feeling about this…" She stood back up and hurriedly walked to the room she and Rory shared.

As she walked into the room, Rory looked up from his book and gave her a concerned look. "What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"Rory, I found blood in the bathroom after the Doctor had used it, and I found more blood in the hall. I mean, it wasn't a lot, but I'm still worried. This isn't the first time he's tried to hide an injury from us. What if it's something serious?" Amy asked, worry evident on her face.

"I'm sure it's nothing. But, if it'll really make you feel better, I'll go ask." He replied, trying to soothe his wife. "It's probably just a papercut he got from a magazine, or something; you know the Doctor."

"Yeah, I suppose. Thanks, Honey." She said, pulling him close and giving him a peck on the cheek. "Now, go!"


	4. Chapter 3

AN: I was so nervous when I clicked the 'reviews' button, I was nauseous. You all had a pleasant surprise for me, though! Thanks, guys. 3

Chapter 3.

A loud clamor rang throughout the TARDIS, and Rory's head snapped up in alarm. Running the rest of the distance to the console room, he paused and scanned the area, letting out a pained gasp.

"Doctor!" He exclaimed, running to the other side of the room.

The Doctor lay on the ground, the harness he used to fix the main console looking as broken and battered as he did. He let out a small moan and grabbed his left arm with his good hand, wincing as he felt the bump of bone under the skin. Rory approached him hurriedly and kneeled by his side as the smaller man let out a small hiss of pain.

"Before you ask, I'm okay. Totally okay. In fact, never been better! So, if you'll excuse me…" The Doctor said with a forced grin, attempting to stand up. His legs wobbled and then bowed, and he collapsed on top of Rory, who then tucked his arms under the Doctor's shoulders and propped him up.

"Yes, totally okay, alright. The 'king of okay', huh?" Rory said, and the Doctor frowned as he used his own words against him. "Now, hold still. I'm going to lift you up and take you to the sick bay, even if I have to carry you!"

He tentatively let go of the Doctor, and at once he fell backwards, arms splayed wide, trying to catch himself before he fell. Rory latched onto him and pulled him back upright, holding him close to his chest. He looked down and saw a faint blush on the other man's cheeks, and blinked in surprise.

"Yup, we're going to the sick bay." He said, still holding him tightly. "Now, you can walk there, or I can carry you. Your choice." The strong edge in his voice made the Doctor's eyes widen, and his blush deepened as he realized that Rory was actually worried about him.

"I can walk." He said, frowning in embarrassment as he detatched himself from Rory, and his frown turned to a scowl as he wobbled unsteadily on his feet. "Okay, I've got this. Totally got this."

"No, you really don't." Rory said, sighing. Before the Doctor could protest, he crouched and slid one hand underneath his knees, picking him up bridal-style. The Doctor gave in indignant squawk, but wrapped his hands in Rory's collar as he was carried into the infirmary.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

Rory gently set the Doctor down on the exam table and gave him a good look-over.

"Well, you've got a hell of a bruise on your left cheek, you can barely stand, and judging by the way you held your arm, I assume it's fractured." He said worriedly. "So, I guess we're gonna have to have a look at you. Can you get your shirt off? Or do you need help?"

As soon as Rory mentioned removing his shirt, the blood drained from the Doctor's face. Seeing his paleness, Rory panicked and stepped closer to him, and appeared hurt when he jerked back. He gently reached for the Doctor's hand and unbuttoned his cuffs, noticing that the older man was trembling slightly. He delicately started to pull back the sleeve.

"Rory, I- I…" The Doctor began, but he was a moment too late. He bowed his head in shame as Rory's practiced fingers moved down his arm, feeling the many layers of half-healed wounds and scars piled on top of each other. He brought his free arm up to the Doctor's face and cupped it, using his thumb to stroke his bony jawline.

The Doctor gave a small hiccup and small rivulets of tears began to spill down his face, before erupting into full-blown sobbing and crying. Rory kept hold of his damaged arm with one hand, and drew him close into his chest with the other, as the Doctor buried his head in Rory's shirt, not noticing the few tears that slid down his friend's face. After a few minutes of tears, he was finally able to somewhat calm himself. Looking up with blurry eyes, the Doctor searched Rory's face, trying to find any trace of anger or disappointment, and found only concern and sadness.

"Why, Doctor? You don't deserve this." Rory said, sighing. "You don't need to do this to yourself."

He looked up, and waited a moment before responding calmly. "But, I do, Rory- can't you see? Everything I love dies, and it's always my fault. Always… This is nothing more than what I deserve. Every night, I see them in my dreams. The ones who left, and the ones who were taken away. I always end up alone, and that's the way it should be. No one loves me, and it's just as well; no one should. " As he spoke, he never broke eye contact with Rory, though his nails dug crescents into his palms and his toes curled inside his shoes.

Fresh tears streamed down Rory's face as he stared back into the Doctor's eyes. "You actually believe that. You really believe the words coming out of your mouth. Why the hell do you think we stay here, day after day, week after week? Because we love you, you idiot! Because I love you!" He cried, his voice reaching a loud crescendo that the Doctor had never heard before.

Rory started to sob as more tears fell from his eyes, and the Doctor stared at him in shock. _'He's just lying. He feels bad, because he thinks it's somehow his fault. I can't… I can't do this.'_ His thoughts raced, and the Doctor attempted to get up, forgetting about his weakened state, when Rory laid a hand on his shoulder. His hand cradled the Doctor's face, and he tilted his head down until their lips were almost touching. He shivered slightly, the movement causing their lips to touch, and that was when the Doctor's control snapped.

He feverishly pressed his lips into Rory's, his damaged arm snaking its way into Rory's hair and latching on, while the other ghosted long fingers down the young man's neck. After a moment, Rory pulled back and smiled.

"See? I love you. Don't doubt that." He said, his smile turning into a wide grin that quickly faded as the Doctor's expression turned from one of joy to one of nervousness.

"But, Amy! I can't do this, I can't betray her like this! I care for her too much to do something like this to her!" He exclaimed, visibly upset. "I'm so sorry, Rory…"

Rory shook his head with a small smile. "You don't get it, do you, Doctor? When I said, 'we', I meant it. It's okay." His smile grew wider as the Doctor's face transitioned from bewildered to hopeful, and he began to stroke his hair. Both men reveled in the calm silence, just being in each other's presence.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

Rory gave the Doctor a gentle smile and stroked his cheek. "Now that we've got that settled, how about we look at the rest of you?"

The Doctor nodded and began to strip down to his boxers, revealing a skeletal, scarred body, mottled with bruises. Rory stared in disbelief, hating himself for not realizing what was happening before it got this far. As the Doctor watched Rory's face, he turned red in shame. He reached for the blanket on the table to cover himself up with, when the other man calmly took his hand, stared at the scarred knuckles for a moment, and set it back down on his lap.

Rory chewed the inside of his cheek, and then spoke. "I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm so sorry. I should've known, I'm a nurse, for Christ's sake! But, it's gonna be okay. You're gonna get better, okay? And we're gonna get through this, the three of us." His words were meant to reassure the both of them, and the Doctor gave a small nod. "Now, a couple of those ribs seem broken," He said, gesturing to the bruises along his jutting ribs. "And for certain, that arm is."

The Doctor remained stoic as Rory went about setting the broken bones back into place, only wincing as an indicator of his pain. As he finished wrapping the broken ribs, Rory looked down on the Doctor and smiled. "Now, do you want to see Amy?"

The Doctor grinned and nodded, but the smile left as soon as it had appeared. "But, how do you think she'll take… This. All of this? She'll hate me." He bit his lip, the tears threatening to fall again when Rory placed a hand on his shoulder.

"That woman cares so much about you, the only thing she'll hate is whatever made you this way. She could never hate you. Neither of us could. Don't worry, it's gonna be fine. Now, do you think you'll be okay to stay here for a moment while I go bring her in?" He asked, and gave a small smile as the Doctor nodded again. He stroked the other man's hair a final time and walked out of the infirmary, the Doctor staring until the clacking of his loud footsteps couldn't be heard or seen from the sick bay.

And he waited.


	7. Chapter 6

AN: Awesome 'possum, more reviews! I feel like an internet superstar. Sorry it's not all come out at once, I'm writing this chapter by chapter, and uploading it on the day it's finished. I'm not exactly sure where the story'll head, but I won't leave it hanging, I promise. And, I know the chapters are short. I don't wanna bullshit anything in it, though, or fill it with fluff. So, I'll make up for it by mass-posting chapters!

Chapter 6.

The Doctor idly swung his legs underneath the exam table, sighing. _'Since the fall and the drama didn't kill me, I'm sure the suspense will.' _ He started to fidget with nervousness. _'She's gonna be mad, she's gonna be so, so mad. I know Rory said that it'd be okay, but I can't help but be afraid!' _He shook so hard the table began to rattle, but forcibly stopped himself when he heard quiet voices down the hallway.

"Amy… What you're gonna see… Well, it's the Doctor, but not how we know him. It's the way he's always been, we've just been too blind to see it. And, I know you care for him, but I know you can be a bit hard on him, too. Please, just walk a little more carefully than you usually do, okay?" Rory said, giving his wife a serious look as they approached the entrance to the infirmary.

"I will, I promise. I mean, it can't be too bad, right? He's the Doctor. Sure, maybe he's in a slump, but we'll have him okay in no time." She replied, opening the door. She didn't know who she was trying to fool, herself of Rory, but as soon as the words left her mouth, she wished she could take them back. Her hand flew to her lips as she took in the Doctor's appearance, staring at his broken, scarred body, and a small cry fell from her mouth. She tentatively walked toward him.

"Oh God, Doctor! Are… Are you okay? Stupid question, really; of course you're not okay. I never thought… I'm sorry. But, it'll be okay! We'll get you right as rain, and you'll be happy again. Just wait, you'll be okay." She rambled, her voice quieting at the end. "You'll be okay." She touched his face, as if afraid that if she pushed too hard, he might fall over and break.

Sensing her fear, the Doctor did something that surprised all three of them; he picked up Amy's hand and kissed it, giving her a small smile. Her eyes grew round and she launched herself into him, holding his battered body close to her. Rory walked over and encircled them both with his arms, holding them like they were his lifeline. "Don't worry, Doctor. We're not going to leave you."

The Doctor's grin grew wide, and he finally relaxed into the three-way embrace, reveling in the feeling of being loved. _'Yeah, maybe they're right. Maybe it will be okay.' _After a moment, he wriggled his way free, though he grabbed both of their hands as he did so. "Maybe we could go someplace else, since I'm all bandaged up? The exam table isn't too comfortable." There was silence for a moment, and then his companions gave soft chuckles.

"Yeah," Rory said, "We can do that. Come on, let's get you to your room." He picked the Doctor up bridal style and began the walk down the corridor, Amy holding the Doctor's hand that wasn't entwined in Rory's shirt. The three made their way through the winding TARDIS hallway, never once letting go of each other.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.

(Timeskip: two weeks.)

Nausea washed over him like a tsunami as he ran to the bathroom, barely having time to bolt the door before he heaved over the toilet bowl. He choked and whimpered as his food came up, unbidden by his fingers. _'For once.'_ As he loudly retched, he heard an even louder banging on the bathroom door, along with a faint mumbling.

After a moment, the heaving finally stopped and he paused a moment to catch his breath before he drug himself over to the door and undid the bolt. He looked up to see the concerned face of his two partners, which was unsurprising; after all, he had just run from the kitchen to the bathroom with his hand clamped over his mouth. He blushed in embarrassment at their concern.

"I'm fine, I just… I couldn't keep it down. I'm sorry, guys." He said, head bowed.

"It's okay, we know. You've been doing so good, and we're so proud of you for that, Honey." Amy said, stroking his flushed cheeks. "Now, wash up and we'll go back to bed. I'm sure you're exhausted now."

He nodded and slunk over to the sink to rinse his mouth and face, Rory watching him closely for any signs of weakness. "You're looking better, you know." He said, tasting the words that came out of his mouth carefully. "You're doing great."

"And by 'great', you mean 'fat'." He muttered inbetween mouthfuls of water. "Ugh."

Amy and Rory both scowled. "You're the farthest thing from 'fat' I've ever seen! In fact, I can't even imagine you fat! But, you know, even if you were morbidly obese, I wouldn't care. I'd still love you. Because it doesn't matter what you look like, don't you get that? I'm not saying you're ugly, because you're not. I'm saying that you're beautiful where it counts, and that's what matters." Rory said matter-of-factly, arms folded neatly across his chest.

The Doctor paused, and then sighed. "Yes, I suppose so. You're right. It's just unusual for me to think like that." He walked over to the threshold where they stood and leaned his head on top of both their shoulders. "I'm trying, I really am. It's just, after hundreds of years of these thoughts, it's not going to change overnight. Maybe it won't change ever."

Amy stroked his hair. "Then we'll still love you, even if you see a 400-pound Time Lord in the mirror when we see you, perfect just the way you are. And you'll see what we see, one day. I know it."

He took both their arms and walked into the kitchen, determination in his stride. Opening the cupboard with renewed vigor, he grabbed a cereal bar, and went back to the table. Rory and Amy smiled as he unwrapped it and took a bite, and after he had finished it, sandwiched him in a hug. He smiled in contentment, and relaxed into their arms. _'I guess, maybe food isn't so bad after all.'_


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

The Doctor lounged in his bed, blandly gazing up at the ceiling. He had been awake all night, and now three more hours into the day- 8:00. Amy and Rory were still asleep, and -though they had all become much closer- they and the Doctor still slept in different rooms. (The Doctor had been searching forever for a room in the TARDIS with a bed where they could sleep comfortably, to no avail.) And he knew that today was going to be an off-day, he could just feel it.

Hopping out of bed, he stood and walked over to the wall, where aged photographs of all shapes and sizes were pinned. _'Sarah Jane, Donna, Rose…' _He stared of the old photos of his companions, his thin hand splayed on the wall, touching the edges of the pictures. _'I miss you all so much…' _Letting out a long-suffering sigh, he went back and sat on the lower edge of the bed, chewing his lip. Tears began to well up in his eyes, and he leaned back, forced to revel in his loneliness.

_'Why do they always have to go? I don't know what kind of cosmic karma I had to start out with, but to think it culminated into this- all of this, I know at least some of it, if not all of it was my fault. And now Amy and Rory… I'm so, so afraid something will happen to them. That they'll be gone, just like all the rest. All I can ever be is alone.'_

` With a deep, shuddering breath, he sat up and began to pace. _'The world would be a better place without me… But wouldn't Rory and Amy be sad? Maybe, but they'd be alive. Safe and happy.' _He was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't realize he had begun to speak aloud.

On the other side of the door, Amy stood, her hand in mid-knock as she listened to him ramble. As he neared the end of his soliloquy, she decided she'd heard enough and barged into the room, stopping him in his tracks. Marching up to him, she poked him in the chest with her finger and exclaimed, "No, you don't! You're not leaving me again! Not now, not ever. Can't you see, Doctor? I love you! And I want you to be here; we both do. Maybe it would've been different if we'd never met, but we have, and now life will never be the same. And that's a good thing! And, if you left now… We'd never be whole again. Please, don't leave."

The Doctor gave a dry swallow and tried unsuccessfully to blink back the moisture in his eyes. He bit his lip, and then wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. They sobbed into the other's shoulder, the Doctor rubbing circles on her back with his thumb, and Amy wrapping her hand in his shirt. And that was how Rory found them five minutes later, though by this time their tears had dried and they just stood, swaying with each other.

"Did I miss something?" He asked, confused.

As Amy opened her mouth, the Doctor cut her off and said, "It's fine. I don't think it'll be a problem. Not anymore."

And both Amy and the Doctor smiled as they took Rory's hands and walked out of the room.


	10. Chapter 9

AN: Last one, guys. If you liked this at all, I'm gonna make a new DW SI story, 'cept it'll be, amazingly, Doctor/River! :o A het pairing, on my account? Yes! Also, the season finale? I totally cried. Not gonna lie. And, sorry the story was so short. I'm gonna do so much better on the next one, starting with writing it completely out, and THEN uploading it.

Chapter 9.

The Doctor stood, relaxed, at the TARDIS console. About a month and a half and four more kilos after Rory had seen to him in the infirmary, Amy and Rory had finally cleared him to travel again.

"So, boys and girls! Or, well, boy and girl. I think we deserve a vacation! Where do we want to go?" He said, smiling brightly at his partners.

"Well, I've always wanted to go to Rio…" Amy started.

"All the places in time in space, and you want to go to Rio?" Rory asked incredulously. "Seriously, Rio?"

"Okay, that's settled, let's go to Rio!" The Doctor exclaimed, interjecting before any argument could start. "After all, we do have 'all of time and space' to go somewhere else."

He reached out and grasped the main lever in his hand and yanked it down with a manic grin. Amy and Rory stumbled as the TARDIS gave a great lurch and then spun off into the distance, and her passengers gripped her insides tightly. The Doctor roared with laughter as the stolen machine whizzed through time and space, finally landing on the top of a hill by a small town called Cwmtaff.


End file.
